


Brothers Conundrum

by FishyPop



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Arguing, Attempt at Humor, Brotherly Bonding, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dysfunctional Family, Funny, Tags Are Hard, Yelling, gods to mortals, lots of yelling, mortal gods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-02-28 20:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18763351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishyPop/pseuds/FishyPop
Summary: Hera has forced The Big Three to live as mortals until they can learn to cooperate with each other. This can only end so well... (Percy nor any of the original main characters will make any big appearances here, apart from being mentioned.)





	1. In a kingdom far, far away

In a city sited on top of a mountain far above the clouds, just below where the stars shine the brightest, there lived the most powerful beings on Earth called gods. Currently, in a meeting hall decorated with fine marble that reflected like a mirror, the purest gold outlined every corner with elegance. 13 magnificent thrones each pretraining their own personality came to a complete circle around a thriving hearth.  
There were only three gods in the meeting room now. To be more precise, the three most powerful gods to exist, Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, or the Big Three for short. However, you may think because they are the most powerful they must be the most responsible, right? Well then you don’t know Greek mythology then do you, dear reader. The Big Three were currently arguing over something or other, I can never keep track. This can only end so well. 

“I am your King and you will do as you’re told, Poseidon!” Zeus yelled causing some thunder to go off in the distance. 

“We’re all Kings here Zeus and I don’t have to listen to you!” Poseidon yelled back rather maturity. 

Hades was staying out of this one for once sitting in his often abandoned, obsidian throne, but that may not last much longer as even gods have limits. And Hades limit was fast approaching, let’s see what happens. 

“YOU TWO NEED TO SHUT YOUR CHILDISH MOUTHS RIGHT NOW!” Surprisingly or not, Hera was the one to yell this. Poseidon and Zeus were quick to shut up, even Hades was rendered speechless. 

“Why can’t you actually try not to act like five-year-old humans and more like thousand-year-old gods that you are?” Hera turned to Hades and smiled,  
“Thank you, Hades for actually trying to keep a cool head. I know it isn’t easy.”

Hades returned the smile in kind, rather enjoying watching his younger brothers get scolded like children. Poseidon and Zeus glared at him with stares that could kill ten mortal men. 

“But we all know fully well you can be just as guilty as these two.” Hera added, making Hades drop his smile, while Zeus and Poseidon picked theirs up. 

“Hera with all due respect though I do argue just as badly, I fully admit, but so do you. You have no room to judge here.” Hades countered with his own defense. 

“Yes, I do argue with Zeus quite a bit, BUT I argue as a wife with her husband, who cheats, A LOT. I wouldn’t consider that childish nor unreasonable.” 

“Now before I must listen to any more bickering Demeter, Hestia, and I have decided the best action to take was to force you three to get work together.” With that said Hera snapped her fingers and a bright light surrounded three very confused brothers.


	2. edge lord 5000 aka Hades

Hades was the first to wake up in a queen size bed with black silk sheets. With no recollection on where he is sat up in a panic. Hades looked over his surroundings and discovered he was in a bedroom, but not his. 

The bedroom was surprisingly to his liking, black sheets and curtains, the walls were painted a dark crimson. Hades saw there was a walk-in closet to his right, full of rather expensive looking suits. Overall, it gave off a dark but posed feeling.

“No matter how nice the room is, I need to get back to Olympus.” Hades told himself. He started to walk to a shadow on the nearest wall, but the only thing he succeeded in doing was almost giving himself a broken nose. 

“What the fuck is this nonsense!” Hades yelled in anger. Feeling panic rise in his chest once again, Hades quickly made his way to a mirror. 

Hades was shocked to say the least, he looked nothing like the form he usually took on. He looked much younger now, in his 20’s at least. Hades ran a hand through his short slicked back black hair, clean shaven face, although he still had a pale complexion. 

Hades stared into his own brown eyes struck with a bout of bitter sweetness, this was the exact same form he took to woo Maria di Angelo. It brought back so many nostalgic, but painful memories. But it also confirmed what he needed to know, he was stuck as a mortal for now at least.   
Gathering his bearings, Hades searched his pockets for any sort of clues on how to become a god again. No use to blow a fuse if it can easily be reversed he told himself. Finding success in his back-left pocket, it was a wallet. Quickly opening it, the first thing he saw was a license with his new face on it. 

“Hayden Rose? Did Demeter come up with this?” 

Yes, in fact she did captain obvious. 

“Caucasian male, obviously. 6’4, ok that sort of explains why everything around me seems shorter than normal. 26 years-old, ok could be worse. Ah, address perfect, 1234 Saint St Seattle Washington! The other side of the godsdamn country!” Hades was pissed now if he wasn’t before. 

“Hera if you don’t prey then I suggest you start, because when I get back I will smite you to Tartarus’s nether regions. And trust me, no one can survive there.” With that odd threat made, Hades turned on his heel and walked out of the bedroom.


	3. Superiority complex aka Zeus

Zeus was the next one to wake up, and to say he was super ultra-mega pissed would be correct. He thought Hera and he were finally getting something normal out their marriage now she goes and pulls this shit. Sure, he might have relapsed a couple times when he had Thalia and Jason, but she was given Jason as a peace offering, shouldn’t that be enough!? 

Zeus didn’t even take the time to look at his surroundings, he got up from his queen-sized bed with white Egyptian cotton bed sheets. He walked right out of his nice room with pale blue walls. He didn’t even take the time to look at the view of Seattle just right out his window. The inconsiderate prick. 

Right as he was walking out of the bedroom, Zeus ran into a very tall and very pale man. Someone who he didn’t know and didn’t care to know. 

“Out of my way mortal. I don’t have time for you at this very moment.” Zeus brushed him off like an annoying fly, while the stranger gawked at him in surprise. 

“...Zeus?” tall pale and handsome asked. Zeus slowly turned to look at what he presumed was just a normal mortal, but could it be? 

“...Hades!?” Zeus asked in turn. “What happened to you?” 

“I could ask you the same question brother.” Hades asked cynically. 

“What do you mean? Why are you so tall? Wait...” Zeus walked into the bathroom just off his left. And couldn’t believe his very own eyes. 

Zeus stared into the bright grey eyes of his younger self, someone who died long ago after the first titan war. It stirred up memories in his head he long forgotten, like his first time holding his master bolt, when he found out he had older siblings living in his father’s stomach; and the first time he ever felt the need for justice in the wild Gaia. 

His hair was much shorter than it was back then though with some spiked hair on top. It was as black as a starless night sky, unlike with his greying hair he now favored to look more mature. He was sporting a five o’clock shadow which stood out against his white skin tone. ‘

“Check your pockets, I’ve found a wallet in mine with a fake ID in it.” Hades suggested. 

Zeus quickly patted his pockets and found it in his front pocket. Opening it and taking out the ID he read it out loud. 

“Zachary Rose? What did Demeter come up with this? 24 years-old, 6’1, blah blah. Wait... Seattle Washington? That’s where we’re at now!?” Hades rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock. Wait if you and I are both here, then Poseidon's here as well then?” He said it like a question, but there was no doubt in either brother’s minds that the last of the big three was just in the opposite bedroom, still asleep...


	4. Shrimpy aka Poseidon

Poseidon was woken up peacefully with a gentle nudge from his older brother Hades.   
Is what I would like to say, but that’s an unbelievable lie. 

Poseidon was really woken up by a pillow hitting his face rather harshly. Both his brothers standing over him and glaring at him, but he didn’t really know it was them and haven’t yet noticed he was turned mortal yet. 

“What the FUCK!” Poseidon shot straight up in his bed and looked around trying to find who hit him. 

His eyes landed on the two strangers standing over him. His eyes widened in shock and he moved to get up on the other side of the bed to distance himself. 

The taller of the two strangers smirked, while the other tried to hide a laugh behind his hand unsuccessfully. Poseidon got the feeling they were laughing at him, and that pissed him off even more than being rudely woken up.

“I don’t know-” Poseidon began, but was interrupted by the taller one

“Poseidon, it’s us, your brothers.” The stranger said it in a condescending tone, like it should be obvious who these people were. 

But now as Poseidon looked closer, those two faces did look slightly familiar. One he hasn’t seen in thousands of years, a face he considered to belong to a hero, then that hero’s face turned into a paranoid, power crazed man. While the other face he’s never seen, but seems to hold familiar features from someone who he once considered a role model when he was much younger. 

“Hades, Zeus? Why do you guys look like that? And why the fuck did you guys hit me in the face to wake me up?” Hades rolled his eyes while Zeus chuckled at him. 

“Maybe you should look in a mirror before you ask so many questions.” Zeus said, not every helpfully. 

Confused Poseidon looked over the room and noticed that it had a somewhat ocean theme to it. A round bed with light teal bed sheets and an overhanging white canopy draped elegantly over it. The walls were a light teal as well to match the bed, and the window had a view of Seattle Bay. 

Poseidon pointed out the window, “That’s Seattle bay, we’re in Seattle?” He said it like a question, but in his mind, he already knew the answer. 

Nevertheless, Hades nodded his head to confirm. Poseidon walked over to his brother’s ready to ask more questions, but noticed something seriously wrong. 

Both of his brothers towered over him! Poseidon suddenly felt inferior making him blush slightly in embarrassment and anger. Even more unfortunately for him, both his brothers realized this as well and smirked down at him. 

“Okay, what in the Tartarus is going on here?” Poseidon was slowly becoming angrier by the second. Finally finding a full body mirror just in the corner by his closet. 

Poseidon was shocked by his refection to say the least. He had shoulder length raven black hair, with little curls popping up here and there. He looked over his face, seeing someone who he thought was no more. Not a child, but also far from becoming a man. It was the first face he’s ever had, the one he first saw of himself after being free of his father. He didn’t keep it for long, changing his face to be more like Zeus and Hades, gruff and intimidating. 

This face was the exact opposite of that, Poseidon knows full well how much of their mother he takes after, in the looks department. Sun kissed skin, round face, and wide eyes with long lashes. He even had her nose. Although deep down he was happier to take after her than his father, it didn’t really help for intimidation value. 

Poseidon groaned and ran a hand down his face, “Okay, seriously what is going on?” He turned to look at his brothers. 

Hades sat on his bed, “Check your pockets and figure it out.” 

Poseidon glared at him, getting sick of being told what to do. But he did it anyways, wanting answers sooner rather than later. He found a wallet in his front pocket. Opening it, he took out the ID. 

He saw his current face set as the picture, and skimmed over the info. Parker Rose, 25, and 5’10! What is this bullshit? 

“What so we’re mortals now? How do we become gods again? And why the hell are you guys taller than me, that’s unfair.” 

“Yes, I don’t know, and I also have no idea, but it is slightly amusing.” Hades answered still smirking at him.

Poseidon was about to walk out of the room in irritation, but was stopped by a female voice. 

“I would love to answer some of your questions brothers.”


	5. We have to do WHAT?

All three brothers turned around in shock to find their eldest sister standing there smiling at them. 

“Hestia, what is the meaning of this?” Zeus asked in his ‘I-am-King-and-I-demand-respect” voice. 

“Well brother, as Hera put it, we; meaning Hera, Demeter, and I felt like you three spend too much time arguing. Our plan being to make you three mortals temporarily until you can compromise with each other in a civil matter.” Hestia may have the body of an 8-year-old, but her wisdom was that of a grandmother. A kind hearted, bake extra cookies just for you grandmother. 

“This is ridiculous, Hestia, there is no way that us becoming mortal would help to learn ‘compromise’. These two are far too immature to even know the word.” Hades said, crossing his arms defiantly. 

Zeus and Poseidon glared at him, but Hades didn’t spare another glance at them. Hestia sighed in frustration.   
“Okay, everyone SIT!” She demanded, taking them off guard. Quickly Zeus and Poseidon sat down next to Hades, not questioning Hestia’s demand. 

“Do you three know why compromise is so important? It’s because you three are the strongest gods and are kings of the three most important realms. Do you remember what happened last time you couldn’t compromise on something? WORLD WAR 2! Millions upon millions of mortals died along with your own half-bloods. We don’t want a repeat of that do we?” 

They shook their heads no. 

“That’s what I thought. And what happens if you three could never get along, the other deities would take this as a weakness and try to overthrow us! But you guys are too busy measuring your dicks to come up with a solution.” 

Hestia took a deep breath to calm down.

“Look my point is that, you are powerful and rulers of the rest of us. If you can’t get along our world could be torn apart and we most likely would go with it. You understand?” 

She got more nods in response, but Poseidon raised his hand quietly. 

“Yes, Poseidon.” 

“So, I get why you want us to get along better. But why go through all the trouble to make us mortal? You could have told us this as we were gods.” 

“Would you guys really stay to listen, or just vanish at the first sign of a lecture?” 

“Okay, good point.” 

“Okay, now that you explained the why. What about the How? As in how do we get our godhood back?” Zeus asked. 

“Simple, learn to live with each other for a couple months and we’ll see if you earned it back.” Hestia explained it rather simply, but all three brothers felt a lot of pressure riding on this.   
“Oh, and don’t worry about your realms. Your wives will be running it for the time being. And before you ask Hades, Demeter has no problem with Persephone being in the underworld for this.” With that Hestia vanished before any other questions could be asked. 

“Wait, how do we start learn how to ‘compromise?’” Zeus asked. 

“Well we could start by you guys getting out of my room.” Poseidon said while standing up.


	6. Is this what you wanted?!

Deciding to look around their temporary home. They noticed it was quite big. All the bedrooms have their own walk in closets, and the living room is big enough to hold two sofas and a recliner. It was nowhere near the size of their palaces, but it would do for a while. But there was a downside as well, only one bathroom in the apartment.

On the bright side of this though, the bathroom was the size of a bedroom. Holding three sinks for each of them, the toilet and shower was at least separated by its own small room. Although the bathtub was indeed big, it wasn’t private, sitting just across the sinks with a big window overlooking the city. 

“I guess having to share a bathroom could be worse than this.” Zeus said, Hades and Poseidon nodded in agreement. 

Walking back into the living room, the big three, now much smaller were stumped at what to do next. 

“You guys hungry?” Poseidon asked. Looking into the kitchen, none of them moved an inch. It was almost as if they were served their food every day, oh wait, that’s exactly what happened. 

Zeus sighed, “I guess I can try. I don’t remember it being that difficult.” Zeus walked into the kitchen and looked around helplessly. 

“You cook?” Hades asked in disbelief. 

Zeus turned to him, with his eyebrow raised, “What do you think I did all those years before I rescued you all?” 

Both brothers shrugged, in truth they never once were curious as to what Zeus did in his everyday life before tricking their father into throwing them up. They were too caught up in their own problems to think about anything outside of Kronos’ stomach. 

Zeus rolled his eyes, finding it rather practical of his brothers to never think outside their own realms. Looking in the freezer he found some frozen store-bought steaks. This was familiar territory, he thought, just a few herbs and potatoes. Simple yet delicious, he could totally do this cooking thing. Now he just had to figure out this kitchen thing. 

Meanwhile, Hades and Poseidon decided to watch some mortal T.V. After channel flipping, they found something called Shark Week, which instantly caught Poseidon’s attention. 

“Whoa, mortals have a whole week dedicated towards the most brutal warriors of the ocean! This is amazing, I wonder why nobody has ever told me before.” Hades sighed, knowing he would only get whining from Poseidon if he changed it, so put the remote down and watched quietly while Poseidon geeked out on sharks. 

After watching one episode, Poseidon found it shocking how much mortals have learned about sharks already. And how less and less mortals seemed afraid of them now. But he did find it endearing how fascinated they were about megalodon, especially how they think it’s extinct. 

Hades surprisingly enough found the program as somewhat interesting. And maybe his brother’s realm wasn’t as useless as he had previously thought. However, still not as important as his own.   
Zeus came into the living room carrying three plates of steak and potatoes with him. Setting them on the coffee table in front of his brothers.

“Dinner is served.” Zeus said while starting to dig into his own food. Hades and Poseidon happily followed suit. 

“Zeus, this is great thanks!” Poseidon said in between bites of food. 

“I agree, I would have never guessed in my whole life time the King of the gods could cook.” Hades light heartedly joked.

Zeus rolled his eyes while his older brothers laughed, “Well it’s a good skill to know. But besides that, what are we watching?” 

“Oh! It’s shark week, did you know mortals dedicated a whole week out of the year to honor and educate about my realm?” 

“Shark week, huh? I would think Shrimp week would relate to you more Poseidon.” Zeus jabbed.

Hades slightly choked on his food from laughing suddenly. Coughing into his fist he tried to hide his smile. Poseidon blushed again at the mention of his unfortunate form, while Zeus openly laughed at him.


	7. Beauty school drop-out

Night soon feel upon the brothers and they found themselves actually getting tired. A foreign feeling to gods. As Zeus and Hades retreated to their respected rooms, Poseidon walked into the bathroom. 

Looking to take a relaxing bath a try to digest the information thrusted upon him, Poseidon turned on the water to fill the tub. Getting undressed he looked himself over in the mirror. 

His body was definitely not to his liking, lean and less muscle mass, although not unfit. It reminded him of all the reasons he changed his looks in the first place. He must admit though, his butt looked great. Round and plump with bounce, he would totally fuck himself. 

Turning back to turn off the faucet, Poseidon quietly slid into the steaming water. Feeling the tension melt away, he only then realized the strain being mortal does on one's body. Looking around the bathroom his eyes landed on a trey of products sitting on the window sill above the tub. Sitting up, Poseidon observed them and found there were various care products. Shampoo and conditioner, skin products, and lotions. 

He remembered goddesses on Olympus talking about some of these, mostly Aphrodite. Deciding what harm could it do, Poseidon quickly washed his hair and looked over the products. 

In skin care he found mostly face products like moisturizers and acne care. 

“Isn’t acne something that kids have? I don’t need this. Oh, what’s this?” Poseidon picked up a black bottle that said Charcoal Face Mask. 

Poseidon vaguely remembered over hearing Aphrodite talk about a new face mask that mortals were crazy about. He didn’t necessarily stick around to hear more about it, but if mortals were doing it...then how bad could it be? 

Famous last words.

Hades was just sitting in his new bed, thinking over the events of the day. Mortal for an undefined amount of time? That scared him, he’s never been mortal, not unlike Poseidon who really kinda deserved it. Or Zeus who did live like a mortal for the first years of life. Now everything was just stripped from him, power, strength, title. Just poof...

Hades was interrupted from his depressing train of thought by a very faint knocking. Getting up to open his door, he figured it was probably just his brothers wanting to annoy him. 

When he opened it, he was surprised when Poseidon just walked right by him into his room uninvited. Annoyed he turned to face him, but Poseidon just kept facing the other way with his head down.

Now curious Hades asked, “Did it finally sink in that we’re mortal now? Are you looking for comfort from big brother?” He couldn’t help but taunt, it was in his nature. 

“What, no! I just need your help with something. But promise you can’t laugh.” Poseidon kept looking away and down. Now Hades was really curious. 

“Well if you’re that embarrassed, I can’t promise anything.” Poseidon groaned.

“You know what, never mind. If you’re going to be a dick, just forget it.” He turned to walk out of Hades room, but was blocked by said brother.

“Wait, wait. I’m just jesting.” Hades took Poseidon’s face between his hands and lifted it up without warning. His shocked brown eyes met Poseidon’s sea green.

Hades couldn’t help but let out a short burst of laughter. Poseidon clearly wasn’t happy as he pushed his hands away. His face was covered with a thin layer of black face mask. Only his eyes, nose, and mouth could be seen. Hades almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“What is on your face?”

“...It’s a face mask.” Poseidon mumbled. Hades let out another snort. “This is why I didn’t go to Zeus. Could you please be a brother and help me?” 

Hades tried his best to keep his composure, but couldn’t help his smile. “What do you need help with...sister.” He was failing at suppressing his smile. Poseidon again glared at his older brother.

“I will murder you in your sleep Hades,” taking a breath he continued, “It just won’t come off. I tried peeling it off, but it’s like super glued on my face.”

Curiously, Hades took his fingers to a small piece of the mask that Poseidon tried pulling on earlier. Testing its hold on his brothers face he lightly pulled, causing Poseidon to yelp in protest.

“You see! It’s just stuck, what am I supposed to do? Will I have this on my face for the rest of my life?” Poseidon was panicking now, words just gushing out of his mouth like a fountain. 

It actually brought back some very old memories for Hades. Poseidon would ramble whenever he was scared, or put under a lot of pressure when they were younger. It made him chuckle, thinking about the first time their mother ever scolded Poseidon and Zeus first argument. Poseidon really was convinced for maybe a whole week that mother was going to mad at him forever. Although, Poseidon never was more well behaved after that.

Mentally shaking his head clear of nostalgia, Hades had an awful but wonderful idea. Quickly before Poseidon could notice, Hades yanked his hand up, making sure he kept a firm grip on the mask. Poseidon screamed in either pain or shock, pulling his head away from Hades as fast as her could. Which in turn pulled more mask away from his face. To Hades shock the mask stayed mostly in tack, only a small bit came off in his grip. 

Hades eyebrows were raised as far as they could go. He had mostly done it out of curiosity, not to hurt him. Poseidon was known to be a little dramatic so he didn’t think it would hurt him so badly. But now Poseidon was crouching holding this face in his hands. His left cheek was now free of its black prison though, so gotta think on the positive side. 

The scream must have been loud because now Zeus was walking around the corner of the hallway towards Hades and Poseidon with a slight worried look on his face. When he saw the scene of Hades standing over Poseidon, Zeus hesitated. Not quite sure what he was walking to, hoping it wasn’t as bad as it looked.

“I’M NEVER COMING TO YOU FOR HELP, EVER AGAIN HADES!” Poseidon scream finally looking up to him, not even noticing Zeus standing in the hallway looking at them.

Poseidon only noticed Zeus when he busted out laughing once he saw his face. Although his left cheek was free, it was starting to turn red from the abuse it suffered. Or was that just from embarrassment? 

When Poseidon turned his head in shock at Zeus, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. It only made Zeus laugh harder and louder. Falling to his knees Zeus tried and failed at catching his breath. It was only after Poseidon got too embarrassed to stay, storming to his room and locking it behind him. That Zeus stopped laughing and finally asked Hades what was going on.

Hades just shrugged, “I was just trying to help.”


End file.
